why do i do it?
Through full bodied sobs I asked myself this question over and over as I worked on Every Saturday. Thinking about this time in my life roused up deeply suppressed emotions and memories which made every day I sat down at my desk a real struggle. As well as confronting the trauma surrounding my relationship with my biological father, something else was stirring in me. The realisation that this whole thing had been kept somewhat of a secret within my family, and what that meant for our relationship, became the main source of tears. There was also part of me that felt guilty about not ever really feeling able to communicate to my Dad how I felt, and I wondered if he thought about me having any regrets about my decision, or if I ever had a desire to reconnect with my biological father. I needed to make sure that he knew this was not the case, never has been, and never would be. I needed him to know how much I love him, and how lucky and thankful I am that he also chose me - because I know
