March 21, 2013


Today is supposed to mark my 4 year anniversary with Tenoso. But as you all know, 4 months ago, I was forced to let him go. It hasn't gotten easier, and not a day goes by where I don't think of him.

I miss his smell, I miss his ears, I miss his twinkly eyes, I miss that one part of his mane that would never stay flat, I miss the feel of his breath on my hands in the middle of winter, I miss hugging him, I miss singing to him in his stable, I miss telling him all of my secrets, I miss trying to plait his wonky tail, I miss the "post-ride-scratch-my-face-mom" nudging, I miss finding stray white hairs in his mane, I miss how he used to follow me everywhere, I miss everything about him.

I don't think I'll ever forget the day when we bought him. All of my dreams came true that day. I have been horse riding since I was just 4 years old and all I ever wanted was a horse of my own. I had to wait 11 years, but he was worth it. As soon as I put my foot in the stirrup and took the reins in my hands I fell for him. I felt like he was made for me. And from that day we became best friends. I loved him with every inch of me and I know he loved me too.

From those first few months of falling off at a minimum of 3 times a week and trying to conquer his fear of "the scary corner" (which involved me sitting in said corner for an hour a day until he was brave enough to come over to me) to playing hide and seek chasing in the arena and taking selfies in his stable, he became my everything.

I know people have it way worse than I do, and I know I was lucky to ever have a horse in the first place, but it just seems so unfair to me. He was the only thing that made me happy. He stopped me from making a very stupid mistake during a very dark time in my life. It's so cheesy and probably ridiculous but he saved me.

I loved him more than anything and I still do.

So while it seems I've moved on with my life and everything is ok, I'm not and I miss him so much every day. I hope he still loves me the way I love him and I pray he hasn't forgotten me and everything we did together.

Clare and Tenoso, 21.3.09-forever.

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